Thursday, 26 April 2012

Thinkers Anonymous

"I think, therefore I am."  (Descartes)  Really?  Is that all we are?

Someone I know, who shall remain nameless, spends a lot of time in their head.  They work things out, plan, organise, re-organise when suddenly something changes, rush, rush, rush....hmm...I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

And that's the point, really.  Thinking takes up so much of our energy that it leaves us without enough energy for actually doing, or, dare I say it?  Just being.

I hear myself hurrying my children constantly: "hurry up and get your homework done", "hurry up and get ready", "come on, we're going to be late"  Nag, nag, nag.  No wonder all they hear is "blah, blah, blah".

So what's all the hurrying got to do with thinking?  We do all the hurrying because we're always thinking about the next thing; getting things done; being on time, being perfect and, often, pleasing others. So much thinking is worry-driven - anticipating what's coming up in the future; trying to make sure nothing goes wrong.

What if something did go wrong - would it be the end of the world?  What if you were late - is something terrible going to happen? Perhaps it might, but probably it won't. How do you know what's going to happen in the future?  We haven't got there yet, so you have no control over it anyway.

Things are changing all around us, the world is becoming a very different place and it seems that we have very little control over how it's all going to turn out.  It might be time to change how we've been in the past and open our minds to a new way of being.

Imagine not worrying about what might happen in some future which only exists in your imagination anyway.  Focus on putting all your energy, instead, into what is happening right now, here, in the present.  The present is the only thing that's real.  Eckhart Tolle suggests that most of our thinking is pointless because it's either based in the past - which has gone - or is anticipating the future - which isn't here yet.  He says that the mind is a very useful tool only as long as we remember that that is all it is and we don't become addicted to thinking.

If we don't think so much, we can shift our attention to feeling, doing and just being; connecting with our world and everything in it with our body, mind and spirit, and having so much more energy now, in the present, to do whatever we want or need to do.  Just like children do, which is why I'm going to stop telling mine to hurry up.

Thursday, 19 January 2012

Today

I enjoyed taking my children to school this morning.  I told them I would give them a lift instead of making them walk in the rain, before it was even light, and they were so pleased.  I don't do it everyday; they appreciate it more that way!  Giving them an easier start to the day reminded me of what my top priority is at the moment, and that is to look after them in the best way I can.  It took almost an hour out of my working time, but the most important thing was to act on what my feelings were telling me was the most important thing to do in that moment.

Coaching often seems to be about goals and working towards something in the future.  It's really good to know what your direction is, but if the focus is always ahead of us, we can miss enjoying the present.

Jamie Smart, an NLP guru, talks a lot about the thinking trap of "I'll be happy when...".  We can get caught thinking that "if only I could just get x done..I'll feel better", or "when I've got more time....everything will be ok", but that moment might not come.  Life is always throwing more at us.

Jamie also points out that when we say we want to get the next piece of work done, or we want to have the money to buy the next new gadget, what we are really saying is that we want the feeling that brings us.  We want the feeling of relief, or peace or excitement - whatever that desired feeling might be.

If we focus on getting the feeling we want, we don't necessarily have to wait to get it.  We can become more aware of what we have in the present moment and realise that we have the ability to tune into the things available right now to create feelings of peace, relief, excitement - whatever it is we thought we had to wait for.

Give it a try - enjoy today and all the wealth of feelings it is offering you.