More funding for talking therapies

I heard on the radio this morning that there's going to be more money for talking therapies for common and complex mental health problems, especially targetting children, whose current mental health services are patchy at best.

Well, that's great, if it really adds up to extra money for these services and not giving with one hand and taking with another.

One of the issues services will need to overcome is the public perception of talking therapies.  It still surprises me when I realise that many people would rather take a tablet than address their difficulties through talking.  I suppose we all like a quick fix, if that's really possible, but it has been known for ages that treatment for mild depression, for example, is best if it's a combination of short-term medication and a talking therapy.

CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) seems to be the thing that at the moment health services believe is the cure for everything, and there certainly seems to be evidence that it helps with a lot of mental health issues.  It's not right for everything or everyone, though, and there is also evidence that many other types of therapy are just as helpful for some things and some people.

Coaching is a relatively new profession, and is also very helpful for addressing non-clinical issues which affect people's mental health and well-being.  NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) is becoming more and more established as an effective way of addressing some key health problems, such as phobias and trauma related stress, but also well-being issues such as confidence, good self-esteem and self belief, which have a major impact on our psychological health and ability to function at our best.  We just need even more research to demonstrate the effectiveness of these forms of helping so that they can be made more easily available to people, so that the public can make informed choices about what form of 'talking therapy' they want to try.

What's available and how much is available are important things to think about, but the other sticking point is how much will people be willing to use these services?

Talking about your problems is not something that many people find easy and counselling, even life coaching, and many forms of psychological therapy can have a rather 'touchy, feely' image which some people (dare I say men in particular?) are not comfortable with.

We really need to overcome this, because these forms of helping really do work and people get huge benefits from using these approaches, mainly because it gives them the power to make themselves well again and take back the control in their lives.

It's good that children in schools are encouraged to develop their emotional intelligence much more these days, and hopefully that might lead to future generations who are not so afraid of talking about their feelings. 

We do need more psychological services, of all different kinds, but we also need to think very carefully about how we present them to people, and persuade them to make use of these very valuable resources.

Now

Life changes constantly. Growth is optional. Make the changes in your life, rather than letting them make you.

Know which direction you’re going in, even if not the exact path. Live purposefully and be in the moment.

The past is a memory, the future is a dream. The present is all we have. (Adapted from the Buddha.)

Focus all your energy, commitment, enthusiasm and joy in the pleasure of being here now.

Einstein in 2011

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning."
Albert Einstein

On becoming more than you already are

I'm learning more about the person-centred approach to counselling at the moment.  It's based broadly on Carl Rogers idea that our 'actualising tendency', despite any opposition, will ensure that people continue to grow towards their true potential throughout life. 

There can be things that trip us up along the way, however, and make us doubt our own judgement.  Sometimes we can end up trusting the views of others more than our own. Rogers believed in the resilience of the actualising tendency, though, and he felt that the desire of human beings to become more than we currently are is never extinguished, whatever happens to us.

Whatever a person's circumstances, there is a way of becoming the best that you can be - that might be in terms of compassion, kindness, having a balanced and rounded life which is a good role model for your family - all sorts of things.  Whatever situation we find ourselves in, we can always do something to feel that we are becoming more than we already are.

Hope you enjoy thinking about that one.  Any comments gratefully received.

If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got

I can't remember who this piece of wisdom is usually attributed to, but it's bandied around in the coaching world a great deal.  It's very true, and many of us spend a lot of time wondering why we're getting the same results even though we're working as hard as we can.  Is it because we keep on thinking in the same old ways, which means we end up doing the same old things without realising it?

For example, I'm trying at the moment to find a new avenue for using my coaching and NLP skills, but somehow I always end up looking at the same job adverts - none of which meet my needs.  Why is this?  I've realised it's because I'm using old ways of thinking, which have lead me down the same paths to the same actions I have used in the past, rather than approach this new challenge from a completely different angle.

If we have a limited amount of time we are often reluctant to do something extra to make a situation different.  I think it isn't really necessary to just keep taking on more and more in order to make a change.  You can create a big change by thinking about only one small thing in a different way.  Once you start to think about something differently, you usually start to feel differently too.  The change I've made is by looking again at an area of work which, on the surface, appeared a bit mundane and unstimulating. Then I thought creatively about how I could use my coaching and NLP skills within it and actually make it into something which would be fulfilling and provide a new challenge.  I'm really excited now about how far I could develop this area of work.

So I suppose a change to the title of this blog might be 'if you think what you've always thought, you'll get what you've always got'.  Any comments or further ideas?

What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?

I've just got back from my hols, and I guess like lots of people at this time of year, I've been thinking about where to go next with my work and life in general. 

When you're deciding on 'goals' or 'outcomes' or just 'plans' - whatever you feel most comfortable calling them - coaches have some great questions which we ask when we're trying to help people think of all the different ways in which they could achieve whatever it is they want.

 For example, my favourite - in the title - 'what would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?'  What a fab question!  It really opens up all the possibilities before you decide what route you are going to take to your goal.

Other similarly helpful questions are: 'If you completely believed in yourself, what would you do?'  'If you had as much time and money as you needed, what would you do?' 'If there were no obstacles, what would you do?'

There are many more, but I'm not going to say anymore here!  If you'd like a bit of help with getting a different perspective on how to achieve what you want, get in touch.  I'm very happy to help.

                       

Say something nice to yourself today!

The things which we say to ourselves will affect our feelings, thoughts, behaviour, physical state and communication. We can learn new habits of challenging the old, unhelpful statements we make in our heads and over time we can learn to replace them with positive statements, which re-inforce the idea of the person we want to be and how we want to care for ourselves.

There is a multi-directional loop between self-talk, thoughts, feelings, behaviour, beliefs, external communication and physical state.  Any negativity in one area will affect the other areas.  Equally, a positive change in one area will have an impact over time on the other areas.  So if you say positive things to yourself it will have an impact on your behaviour and thoughts, and therefore, over time, will help change unhelpful beliefs which you may hold about yourself.

For example, if we say something kind to ourselves, it might make us smile, it is very likely to make us relax, it might make us stand more upright and look more confident. If we say positive things to ourselves, that will be communicated non-verbally to others, and will improve our communication with them. Positive self-talk implies that we accept ourselves as we are, with our own individual attributes and imperfections. It allows us to present our true selves to the world. Effective communication is based on accepting, compassionate honesty, both to ourselves and others. If we know that, generally speaking, our intention is to be kind and fair to others, why are we often not kind and fair to ourselves?

Negative self-talk is often linked to fear and the wish to protect ourselves from situations which we perceive as threatening. For example, if we fear being the centre of attention, we might tell ourselves that we're hopeless at speaking in public, regardless of whether we have evidence for that or not.  That way we avoid the underlying fear.  Because there is a positive intention in our brains which motivates the negative statements, we can thank these statements for trying to protect us, but remind them that they are getting in the way of us being the person we want to be, and therefore they need to move aside to allow more helpful self-talk to take place.

Here are some tips on how to create new self-talk habits:

Notice what you do well and congratulate yourself on it.  Anything and everything, no matter how big or small.

At the end of each day, list 2 things you did well today and 2 things you were grateful for.

If your values include treating people with kindness, consideration and compassion, decide to treat yourself in the same way.

Challenge the gremlin in your head who says unhelpful things to you. For example, if it tells you you're not as good at your job as you 'pretend' you are/people don't like you/you're no fun, etc, etc, ask it what it's evidence is for saying that.  Ask it what evidence there is for the opposite being true.  Remind the gremlin that although it is trying to protect you, it really isn't helping, and it needs to move over to let in a helpful, positive statement.  Alternatively, turn down the gremlin's voice, as if you were turning down the volume on a radio, or change it in some way. Some people give it a silly voice to take the power away from it.

When negative statements pop into your head, challenge them and think of an opposite, positive statement. Write down the positive statement and also the evidence you have which supports it.  Take the time to find evidence for these alternative, positive statements. By noting the evidence to support the positive statements, you will enable underlying negative beliefs to become unstuck and to change over time.

Watch out for statements including words like never, always, must, should and have to. (For example, 'I have to do better than this; I always get things wrong; I never sound confident'.) Challenge those words, and insert choice into statements, eg 'I could choose to approach this situation differently; sometimes I get things wrong, but often I don't'.  Including words like 'could, might, sometimes, want to' allows the choice about how to respond in any situation. Choice leads to a sense of control.

Practise saying positive statements to yourself frequently. Remember you have evidence for them. Remember also, that this is a new habit, and you are trying to replace an old, long-standing habit of saying negative things to yourself. It takes time to change a habit, so don't beat yourself up if the negative ones slip through sometimes; just challenge them and replace them with your positive statements.

When you say your positive statements to yourself, identify where your strong, positive internal voice is located in your body. What does it sound like? Make it louder and stronger when you use your positive self-talk. Notice the sense of confidence it gives you. Lift your head and smile.

Enjoy finding kind, realistic, valuing things to say to yourself. Be proud of who you are now and your ability to change yourself, if you choose to.